I guess it didn't really hit me until last night, when I figured that M was leaving, that he was actually going away to the airforce, for the next four years and I was never going to see him again. All this time, I had waited and wasted my time, thinking that he was going to be here forever, by my side so I could run to him when I needed to, but now I realize I was horribly wrong. He's leaving all of us behind, to follow his dreams and just even thinking about whats ahead makes it harder to breathe....
when it comes to the topic of waste the only thing that comes to mind is Romeo...he is regret smushed together with disgust, hatred and yukk!...
i remember at goose's party dancing with him, peering over at M, wondering what he was thinking, whether he was disappointed, whether he was jealous and most importantly whether he'd care...now thinking back on it, I cringe...whilst the entire experience might've helped me learn, it was merely a huge waste of time that I could have possibly spent with M...!
The realization unfortunately didn't hit me until last night. The entire preparation leading up to M's going away party was partly focused on impressing certain individuals attending the event but most importantly targetted at making Romeo jealous. I thought seeing his face screwed up and morbid would take my misery go away, but I realised it was something I cared ever so little about. Honestly even if he had've had sex with a slice of oily pizza, I wouldn't have given a rats arse. I was just trying to save the moment, to save that night, the night I'd see him for the last time for a very long time, the night our story would finally come to an end...although I was smiles all round, dancing around like a lunatic, flirting outrageously with different men, deep inside I could feel my heart shivering. My bones weak, crying for someone to hold me before I lost balance and fell...
And when it all ended, it was too late, I realized I had fallen a long time ago. I'd held on, asking him to pull me back, but he had let go, and the time had come for me to accept that he was gone...FOREVER!!!..
Plane Letter to M
Do you remember the first time we met?...You don't do you?...I do...you were wearing a white shirt with jeans and loafers...you were smiling the entire night, dancing away like there was no tommorrow. I was so lonely I remember, I didn't no anyone properly and at one point you had taken my hand spun me around and held me, made me feel so safe for one second, and that was all I ever needed from you. There was nothing to be said...I fell for you...
So I ask you M, how can one person fall in love with another so quickly, when the other doesn't even no....when the other doesn't even care...?...Where did i fall short?...what made you decide to not take a chance with me...?...how can you not see how much I love you...how can you miss me trying to impress you, how can not see me shy and anxious around you...how..?...am not good enough for you?...am I too loud, flirtacious, stoopid, clumsy and slutty for you...?...what is that you want from me....?...
I'm sorry to bother you...but that video that I made for you the other night at your partay...I lied...I told everyone I made it because I enjoyed filming and making videos...but honestly the only reason I spent hours of my time to make it was because of you M...becuase I love you...and because I wanted you to see how much I cared...because I wanted to see whether you cared...and it was soo obvious...your answer...couldn't have been any clearer...and I'm sorry...that I'm telling you all this now...but I had to...before you left...so that if you ever felt alone, you'd remember that I was here...I am always here...I'll always love you with all of my heart....
Please take care of yourself...I know the first few weeks are going to be hard, but I no you can get through them...follow your heart...and I hope all your dreams come true...
I love u M...
xoxo
N
If I was you woman
And you were my man
You'd have no other woman
You'd be weak as a lamb
If you had the strength
To walk out my door
My love would over rule my sense
And I'd call you back for more
If I was your woman
(If I was your woman)
If I was your woman
(If I was your woman)
And you were my man
Yeah
She tears you down Darling
Says you're nothing at all
But I'll pick you up Darling
When she lets you fall, 'cause
You're like a diamond
But she treats you like glass
Yet you beg her to love you
But me you won't ask
If I were your woman
(If I were your woman)
If I were your woman
(If I were your woman)
If I was your woman
Here's what I'd do
I'd never, never, no, no, no stop loving you
Yeah
Life is so crazy
And love is unkind
Because she was first darling
Will she hang on your mind
You're a part of me
But you don't even know it
I'm what you need
But I'm too afraid to show it
If I were your woman
(If I were your woman)
If I were your woman
(If I were your woman)
If I were your woman
Here's what I'd do
I'd never, never, no, no, no stop loving you
If I were your woman
Here's what I'd do
I'd never, never, never stop loving you
Yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
If I were your woman
And you were my man
If I were your woman
And you were my man
If I were your woman
Here's what I'd do
I'd never, never, no, no, stop lovin' you
If I were your woman
when it comes to the topic of waste the only thing that comes to mind is Romeo...he is regret smushed together with disgust, hatred and yukk!...
i remember at goose's party dancing with him, peering over at M, wondering what he was thinking, whether he was disappointed, whether he was jealous and most importantly whether he'd care...now thinking back on it, I cringe...whilst the entire experience might've helped me learn, it was merely a huge waste of time that I could have possibly spent with M...!
The realization unfortunately didn't hit me until last night. The entire preparation leading up to M's going away party was partly focused on impressing certain individuals attending the event but most importantly targetted at making Romeo jealous. I thought seeing his face screwed up and morbid would take my misery go away, but I realised it was something I cared ever so little about. Honestly even if he had've had sex with a slice of oily pizza, I wouldn't have given a rats arse. I was just trying to save the moment, to save that night, the night I'd see him for the last time for a very long time, the night our story would finally come to an end...although I was smiles all round, dancing around like a lunatic, flirting outrageously with different men, deep inside I could feel my heart shivering. My bones weak, crying for someone to hold me before I lost balance and fell...
And when it all ended, it was too late, I realized I had fallen a long time ago. I'd held on, asking him to pull me back, but he had let go, and the time had come for me to accept that he was gone...FOREVER!!!..
Plane Letter to M
Do you remember the first time we met?...You don't do you?...I do...you were wearing a white shirt with jeans and loafers...you were smiling the entire night, dancing away like there was no tommorrow. I was so lonely I remember, I didn't no anyone properly and at one point you had taken my hand spun me around and held me, made me feel so safe for one second, and that was all I ever needed from you. There was nothing to be said...I fell for you...
So I ask you M, how can one person fall in love with another so quickly, when the other doesn't even no....when the other doesn't even care...?...Where did i fall short?...what made you decide to not take a chance with me...?...how can you not see how much I love you...how can you miss me trying to impress you, how can not see me shy and anxious around you...how..?...am not good enough for you?...am I too loud, flirtacious, stoopid, clumsy and slutty for you...?...what is that you want from me....?...
I'm sorry to bother you...but that video that I made for you the other night at your partay...I lied...I told everyone I made it because I enjoyed filming and making videos...but honestly the only reason I spent hours of my time to make it was because of you M...becuase I love you...and because I wanted you to see how much I cared...because I wanted to see whether you cared...and it was soo obvious...your answer...couldn't have been any clearer...and I'm sorry...that I'm telling you all this now...but I had to...before you left...so that if you ever felt alone, you'd remember that I was here...I am always here...I'll always love you with all of my heart....
Please take care of yourself...I know the first few weeks are going to be hard, but I no you can get through them...follow your heart...and I hope all your dreams come true...
I love u M...
xoxo
N
If I was you woman
And you were my man
You'd have no other woman
You'd be weak as a lamb
If you had the strength
To walk out my door
My love would over rule my sense
And I'd call you back for more
If I was your woman
(If I was your woman)
If I was your woman
(If I was your woman)
And you were my man
Yeah
She tears you down Darling
Says you're nothing at all
But I'll pick you up Darling
When she lets you fall, 'cause
You're like a diamond
But she treats you like glass
Yet you beg her to love you
But me you won't ask
If I were your woman
(If I were your woman)
If I were your woman
(If I were your woman)
If I was your woman
Here's what I'd do
I'd never, never, no, no, no stop loving you
Yeah
Life is so crazy
And love is unkind
Because she was first darling
Will she hang on your mind
You're a part of me
But you don't even know it
I'm what you need
But I'm too afraid to show it
If I were your woman
(If I were your woman)
If I were your woman
(If I were your woman)
If I were your woman
Here's what I'd do
I'd never, never, no, no, no stop loving you
If I were your woman
Here's what I'd do
I'd never, never, never stop loving you
Yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
If I were your woman
And you were my man
If I were your woman
And you were my man
If I were your woman
Here's what I'd do
I'd never, never, no, no, stop lovin' you
If I were your woman
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